Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
