He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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