it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
