My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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