That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
