I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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