You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
