it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
