Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
