Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
