Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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