Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
