6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
