I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
