Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
