you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
