I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I could fuck to npr.
this is an emotional support booty call
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
