i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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