After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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