I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Randomize
