her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
