They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
