that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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