Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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