my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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