I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize