you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
honey bunches of taint.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
