So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
