if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
