I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
