I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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