I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
