so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
