You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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