What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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