chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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