Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I pour the whiskey from now on
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
