I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
