I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
