I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's blow job season.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
