Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
