Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
