I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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