You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
