one two three fourrrrnication!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
