Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
