Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
