If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
