Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
