mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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