I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize