After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
