I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
