Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
