I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
