My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
