Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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