Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
