Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
