Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
