12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize