Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
