Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
