we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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