I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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