don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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