He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
