She's JV to your varsity
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
