He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
