listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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