let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
