singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
