can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize