I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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