You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
