I think I won the penis lottery.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
