Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize