I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
