you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
