the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
