i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
