Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
