The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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