Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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