I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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