You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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