I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
