Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
