i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
