All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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